When you live the sort of high profile rockstar diva life that Nicole and I do, its not uncommon to find yourself swarmed with a variety of types that just wanna breathe the same air as you. I know, disgusting. However, being the friendly sorts we are, we’ve welcomed a few of them into our home without a proper invite and instead of making an awkward scene, I’ve spent a little time recently getting to know a few of them.
As any good host knows, your guests should be comfortable. Creating a space that allows them to feel like they are welcomed is host-most 101. Naturally, we went all out and created a mini resort for our new friends. Why mini? Oh….well I guess I should explain who our guests are. Take Stella, she’s about 2 weeks old and to my knowledge does not speak any English. Her only response to me when I get my coffee is “Hey Hey Hey!” which is has a cute mashup sound of Wendy Williams and Fat Albert. She was actually born about 3 feet from the resort so she’s really a native. To be honest, I think they all were born here….you see, our guests are fruit fly’s. We seems to have attracted them via our plant life and exposed fruits which in tandem with the heat lately has extended their stay. Ernesto and Phillip swear they hate fruit and that they just came for the babes which is convincing since Phillip claims that all he does is “get… it… on… hey now!” all day. Ernesto is apparently Portuguese and says his purpose in life is to spread passion and ease desire. I will admit, his bulgy red eyes really are quite mesmerizing.
The resort to be honest which is basically a jar of sweetened water and fruit juice was supposed to attract our guest and lead to their demise but something’s not right. From what I can tell….Stanley’s backstroke is improving exponentially telling me that the liquid concoction is not fatal whatsoever and our friends seem to come and go as they please.
So alas, I am left with today’s option which will be to douse our plant life with water and soap on the rooftop while deep cleaning the rest of our wares. Giuseppe, I’m sorry but the extra virgin olive oil will be safe without your protection, I promise.
Not pun intended, its going to be bittersweet seeing our friends go but something tells me that if Phillip and Ernesto have anything to say about it, at least 50 of their children may pay us a visit again very soon.
As much as we love the company, they are still here. If you have any ideas how to give them a new life in the beyond (fruit fly heaven) please let us know.